What’s Hannen! I’m back again! If you’ve seen my social media the last few days you seen on March 30th I had a baby girl. She’s beautiful, Mom is good, we’re at home loving on her with her big brothers. Life is great. When I posted her picture I told ya’ll I had a story to tell. And it’s a crazy one so ya’ll gonna enjoy this.
Around 4:30am on 3/30 Shay started feeling contractions but they still had some time in between em. I’m tryna be a good Baby Daddy so I cleaned the tub out and ran her a bubble bath to chill in for a lil bit. She gave me permission to take a lil cat nap cause she was good. I woke up and them contractions was starting to get real.
So she’s in the bed laying down but now she’s throwing up with her contractions. I’m feeling bad, tryna help her out but idk what I’m doing i’m being more annoying than anything. Her initial plan was to have a natural birth, so when she called the Dr’s saying she wanted an epidural I said “You sure you want one?” She said yea. I called the doula, the doula said she already talked to the Dr and she was gonna come to the house and help her labor some more before coming in.
Fast Forward, the Doula comes through and gives her this ancient chinese back massage I ain’t ever seen before but Shay loved it. But Shay’s still screaming she wants an epidural. Doula said “If she still asking for an epidural it’s time to go!” So I get her dressed and get ready to go to the hospital. We get out the front door, and right in front of the driveway she squats down in pain. Now i’m getting a lil shook. The Doula said “Teddy, as soon as she gets in the car, GO!” So I took off…… That’s when the show started!
So I’m tryna to respect my new neighbors and not drive crazy but soon as I slowed down for 1 sec at the stop sign I took that right down the skreet and hit 60 down that MF. Then there was a flag crew….. And of course they had the stop sign up on our side. The doula was in front of us so she pleaded her case to the flagger and they got on the walkie talkie and let us through. Shay still laboring in the passenger seat, I just give her my hand to squeeze through he contractions, she tow that MF up too.
So we get on 95 North and I’m following the Doula. She doing 95 i’m doing 90 cause I got my phone in my hand and I DON’T know how to get to the hospital. I could follow the Doula but she weaving through muhfuckin 16 wheelers on the highway like Doulanic Toretto.
So the plot finna get thicker than racial tension right now I just wanna paint a picture for ya’ll.
Do me a favor and occupy your right hand with the closest thing next to you. Then with your left hand imagine you’re holding a steering wheel with the gap in between your pinky and ring finger. And hold your phone with the remaining fingers on your left hand. This was the situation I was in while doing 90 up the highway. There was a point I tried to BRIEFLY let her hand go to call the doula but she quickly grabbed that MF back like I had lost my damn mind.
Shay says “OH I NEED TO PUSH SHE COMIN!”
I thought it was just an urge so I just kept letting her squeeze my hand. The Doula called:
Doula: Ya’ll still ok? You got your hazards on.
Me: Yea, Shay think she need to push.
Doula: Ok, keep breathing with her…..
Shay leggings started crying.
Shayana’s Maternity Leggings were CRYING!
Doula: How is she?
Me: O_O SHE JUST HAD THE BABY!
Shay: PULL OVER!!!
I’m in the right MFn lane… I gotta get to the left lane of the highway and pull over because my daughter was born on 95N.
I’M FUCKIN SHOOK!!!
I get over to the side of the highway and get out the car, hands shaking like a MF. I open the passenger door and there’s a baby shaped print in Shay’s leggings. I pull her pants down, and there’s my daughter. Chillin bruh. Just wigglin n shit. Won’t even crying.
My hands still shaking so I’m tryna pick her up in all her slimy glory. I ain’t know how to pick her. My boo Shay tho… Just snatched her up and held her like she ain’t just give birth in a Nissan Rogue.
The Doula called 911 and they called me and told me what to do until the EMT’s came. I was in shock tho bruh. I still can’t believe it. The Doula and me was shaking on beat we was bofe shook!
EMT’s came and cut baby’s umbilical cord(I’m still salty about that shit) and took her and Shay to the closest hospital while I followed.
We got there and baby was a little cold but otherwise still healthy. We had to stay at the hospital for 2 days but it was worth it. All the nurses and Techs that came in the room said some shit along the lines of “I heard you had a baby in the car?!” She was poppin in Chippenham Hospital.
My heart grew bigger.
JoJo is a big brother and loves it.
Shay is officially the Baddest Muthafucka alive and if you have a rebuttal me and my kids will beatcho ass about it.
Alora Divine Adams
Time of Birth: 8:59 am
Place of Birth: Somewhere on 95N but I got her out them leggings right in front of exit 62
I just submitted my 2nd book to the publishers so hopefully the love it and I can put it out.
Audio book for the first one is on the way.
I’m now about to write a book about me and Shay’s Shenanigans so that’s book number 3.
I love ya’ll
Until next time…